Love is still the same - looks the same, speaks the same, and acts the same. But the effect, no longer the same.
Love speaks, you are looking away. Love engages into a conversation, you are pushing Love away.
Realization kicks in and you know that you no longer love Love.
Here I am pondering while everyone’s asleep. I am protesting whether to get up and clean out my closet or get back to sleep which will again result to a very not productive day; similar things going on since the start of summer. Looking through Jeff Buckley’s book collection made me realize that I am not in this alone. That there are billions of people around the globe same age as mine going through this rough stage between puberty and adulthood - questioning my existence and purpose in life. During the past few years I feel like am alone with this hole.
Well I guess right now I should get up and clean out my messy closet and start to give up and give out things I don’t really need. It’s been over a month anyway since I last cleaned it. Even things needed to be given a break. It just takes action to do that. One big simple leap of my.. foot.
What you are building right now will what you be taking care of in the future.
I thought this depression in my blog has come to an end already. And that I said I want a fresh start. Life is really a roller coaster, we don’t know anything for sure. We don’t know what’s going to happen next, we don’t know what our next like or dislikes will be. Our last words are definitely not the last. We ought to do something more. We ought to taste and try something and then, the start of change.
Well I’m feelin’ a little depressed about something. Something that shouldn’t have said to me. Things that will surely hurt my feelings and definitely will not be gone off my system for a little amount of time, I say weeks. There are some things in life that should have not been said. I don’t want to waste my tear either though it felt like a breakup. My tears don’t deserve it, or rather, her.
It was the first time in my entire life that a person said that she just accompanies me/wants to be with me because she had no choice. She’s an actress, what more can I say. It came out of her mouth a few times when we were together. She fakes that she’s into something when really, she is not. She fakes the reaction and pretend like she is enjoying a conversation when really she is not interested. How could you, fake friend!
I’m known for being a friendly person, a person who doesn’t wanna be involved in a fight, a person who is a friend of all (according to my real friend). What did I do to her to treat me this way? It’s, by the way, my first time to encounter someone like her. I wonder if (if they are a lot) people like her still call someone as a real friend, you know, if what they do is always treat every person they meet as not real friends and just use them because of being too ambitious.
The worst thing that happened here is that I fell for her. I don’t wanna elaborate this more but the first thing that came into your mind when you read this sentence, that’s it. It’s true!
This happening led me into questioning my friends who I consider and call as my "real friends," are they real or are they just like her? Do I still have friends or it’s been and just me all along?
Lesson: Be careful when you are friends with an actor/actress. I’m not asking you to not be friends with them, but just don’t believe in every word they say. It may not be real after all. They are good in acting and so you should know that they might be doing/practicing their craft even in front of you.
It’s the start of the second semester in two days and it feels like the first day of school all over again. I’m feeling nervous and anxious about it. But part of me thinks that I am just feeling that way because I am excited to be productive again.
Four years have gone to waste and I want this to end already. I want to finally graduate and start working in order to have my own place, my own car, and a lot of owned things all because of my independence. But if I have to attend the European school fair on Tuesday, maybe I won’t work immediately after I graduate, maybe I will take my masters in Europe, somewhere in France and spend another four years speaking French and living like French. Living in a strange country has always been my dream. I know it’s hard but I am after the experience and growth that will make me the improved version of my current self.
I love thinking of the future, of what it will offer me. Will I have a good life or not? My English teacher in senior high school once said, "If you want to be a somebody, you will be a somebody. But if you think that you will be a nobody, you will be a nobody." Our future depends on us. It depends on how we visualize ourselves.
It is simply like this: You will become the person who you want to be.
It’s been awhile since I’ve last written here. I feel like I am ignoring you. But what I really feel is that, I think I don’t have time to write anymore. I was lost. I totally forgot what this blog is supposed to be doing - to share my everyday life with the people I know and to those who may accidentally stumble you, Jenny’s Closet, in the web.
This year has been very busy for me because of school. But I’m really glad to announce that I have achieved something again because of exerting my efforts fully on school work. Prioritizing is the right term. What it brought me are the grades that I deserve and I am rightfully happy about it. I almost got a perfect final grade in my favorite course last semester. It’s just that there are times when we expect too much and it just brings us down in the end. But lucky for me, it was just the right amount of disappointment and I accepted it right away. Grade is just a number anyway, it’s just like money. What’s more important is that I was surrounded by people whom I can refer to as friends and the experience and learnings that we shared together in order to fulfill something.
Well I think I’d like to start over in this blog. I need it. I missed jotting down my thoughts. I can’t even write in my online dream journal. I’m missing a lot of things, a lot of memories that I know in time will be useful. So starting tomorrow, I am pledging to blog again and ignore my laziness. Because being lazy is almost the same as being selfish. And I don’t wanna be selfish.
Thank you dear readers for sticking around! I’m here again to share you everything that I will cross path with every day - from the new people I will meet and those little things that will bring about happiness in my life.
For now, please check out my Instagram web profile. It’s just the only place where I am active. I hope you will enjoy my photos!
Tomorrow’s a new day, tomorrow’s a fresh start for me! Come join me as I continue to explore. I want you to be a part of it.
In this social media generation, privacy is becoming more and more treated as old school. Everyone’s posting on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram what currently happens in their lives. As if it is one’s biography. You don’t want everyone to know and talk about everything that’s going on in your life. Where is privacy there? It’s like everyone’s a Hollywood star wherein people get updates 24/7!
I just want to let the people know that they should be mindful of what they post. Choose what you post! Think before you say anything! Remember that you are responsible for your acts.
I don’t want my life to be like that - people knowing what I just did yesterday, the last month and or today. Social networking sites aren’t supposed to be like that! I still want secrecy, I still want privacy. Because in the future when I’m able to hang out with a friend I haven’t seen for quite some time, I want a good catch up — the one that will make us feel as if we still need days to be together because we have more things to say to each other.
August 6, 2012
Our English professor had given us two weeks to prepare for our storytelling. But since I’m a procrastinator, I was just able to memorize the piece the night before and I tell you, it’s not good thing to do - I looked unprepared, my actions sucked, I forgot some of the lines during the performance. The thing here is, when you’re asked by your professor to memorize something, you should really do and know the piece by heart.
Here’s where the storytelling took place earlier. We call this “Lecture Room” at school
Sorry about my eye bags. I had enough sleep but maybe I was just too stressed because of school work.
Let me tell you about how coward I am. I’m a big girl already and I’m still like that. Last night I did my digital portfolio and looked for previous videos I edited in order to submit it to an audition in this certain organization I’ve been eyeing since last year. It’s an organization wherein you get to improve your photography, videography and photo/video editing skills and probably hosting skill at the same time. These things are kind of my craft and so I want to hone what I have. Actually, I’ve signed up to tons of organizations under my major - it includes radio and cinema. In radio, of course they’re hunting for DJs. Cinema, it’s kind of a filmmaking org. But what did I do? I blew the auditions. I didn’t attend because I was too coward, thinking of the competition and not believing in myself. But I’m glad I was given a second chance because the one I talked about first will extend their auditions the whole week and so I have days to decide and prepare myself.
Meanwhile, on my way back to the dormitory, I was walking behind this couple who were walking hand in hand under the same umbrella. My picture doesn’t show it though coz they faced just in time when I clicked my phone’s shutter.
Later that afternoon, I grocery shopped for an hour and I’m glad with the things I bought. I love grocery shopping! I get to know and taste products. It’s like I want a different kind of food, different flavor every week.
This speaks to me so fair and well I almost cried! This will serve as an inspiration again.
LET GO OF PRETENSIONS
You’re too shy to do this cause people might judge you.
You’re afraid to talk to her because she might not like you.
You don’t want to share your talent cause you might get embarrassed.
If you yourself hinder yourself, if you yourself stop yourself, if you yourself judge yourself, then what is left for you? How can you expect others to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself? Nobody is perfect. Stop worrying about what others might think and go for it. You are the only one getting in your own way.
- Bianca Gonzalez (Letting Go, 2012 April 06)